I think I know what direction I want to go in now. I've come to the realization that by staying here on this earth means that I'm going to be needing government benefits. This has been a long journey and something that I truly know that I have to do to ensure my survival, but I do it reluctantly. I figure that can make the best of it though, maybe things will turn out for the best.
I'm on a journey now of many paths. My spirituality is most important to me now, but it is hard to focus. I think that it will take time and patients, it's not something you can do overnight. My spiritual thoughts are that I must serve my fellow man. It seems that being in the service of others is the most important thing ever, I think because it creates humility and compassion. I know I have a lot of talent, so I am going to make sure that I best use my time to make an impact through teaching or other means that are positive.
I've found that I'm still in the material world, until I can break those bands I can't truly evolve. The fact that I still want nice things seems almost idealistic because of the manner that I want them. Objects should serve a purpose and are tools for various reasons. When indulgence kicks in, the way of the spirit is lost.
I've come to understand the purpose for life is evolution. When you realize that you have a spirit, you must ask yourself a question, what is my purpose? When you think of the flesh, consider it a spiritual suit. I've found that the purpose is to learn, love, and use your inner spirit to better guide you through the learning challenges of life. I think once one has lost touch with their spirit, they lose touch with reality and anarchy ensues. I think that we as a society have forgotten the spiritual aspect of life, I'm not talking about religions. If you believe the human being has a soul or spirit, shouldn't you connect with it since it seems to be your purpose of being here?
My other path in life is education. I believe that education is paramount to the survival of the species. If you learn about the environment around you, you learn the forces that dictate your daily decision making process. Unfortunately, I've chosen the path of least followers in studying money, politics, religion, and history. I understand why so few people really get into the deep history that has unfolded in our society throughout the years.
I think I'm at the point in my life where it is time that I passed on the education that I've learned. I've learned so many years of history in just a few short years, there's still more to learn. Compared to the average guy though, I'm leaps and bounds past a lot. I've gotten the privilege to see the last 1,000 years of history in an unbiased manner, which I feel makes me very lucky. It's time that I pass on the great joy of the things I've learned in life, not just the taboo subjects, but everything I've learned. Although I have a lot to learn, I can still pass on what I know as well.
Then there's the emotional path, this one is the hardest of them all. I have emotions up and down, some of them good and others bad. This path for me is about changing behaviour that is based upon emotion. I see myself destroying my friendships and relationships around me because emotional behavior learned during my childhood. I hope that I can pass onto my son the same understanding so that he may have more success than me.
I have many other avenues within myself that I want to take the time to focus on, hopefully they'll bring recovery and productivity. I think service and education are hand in hand going to change my life. I also have to balance this with productivity because I still have a son to support. It may be hard at first, but I know that if I'm determined to do this, I can. I first hope to serve in government as a volunteer to an official, then I'd like to be in service to the private sector that are doing positive things within the community. I think all of my dreams could be realized if my intent is pure.
